Fly Higher

 

 

五月十七日 温哥华---五月二十二日 阿肯色------六月二日 休斯顿------六月十四日 生存

 

不到一个月的时间, 对于我而言, 有如一个世纪的重生…

 

五月三十日, 星期五, 四点半从Ping家醒来, 洗漱完毕, 准备离开生活了四年的阿肯色, 太多的失望,太多的抑郁, 告诉自己, 从引擎点燃的那一刻, 努力开始新的生活. 平安的开完了八个小时, 在最后的一段高速公路上, 因为分神, 方向盘失控, 等我明白过来的时候, 事故已经发生. 当我从车里没有任何重伤走出来的时候, 所有人都认为是奇迹. 很平静的打电话给了Ping, 记得以前说过如果我谋杀了什么人, 你会是我第一个打电话过来帮忙收尸的人, 这次是要借你的镇定了. 警察随后赶到, 问讯签字离开. 然后等待事故中心的拖车.

 

打了电话给Ray, 我想你也许会来看我, 虽然你原本没有经停houston的计划. 我不知道我自己是否可以坚持下去, 我需要看见我会觉得亲近的人, 至少一个. 没有办法想象如果妈妈没有我会如何生活下去, 说好要她到休斯顿来小住旅游, 要参加我的毕业典礼, 而我还是未完成, 那个诅咒个千万遍的Ph.D. 还不知道在什么地方…太多的事情我不敢去想, 只能去想是父母,是阿芳,是王恺,是Ping, 是Ray所积下的善行让我几乎毫发无损的活了下来, 也没有伤害到其他任何人….我只能安静的流泪, 沉淀生命中什么是重要的,什么是不重要的.

 

所有的悲伤, 所有的眼泪, 所有的自怜, 在拿到休斯顿租下来的公寓钥匙的一刻结束, 因为不再有时间. 车子在事故中完全损坏, 在这座全美第四大的城市中, 我没有一个曾经认识的人. 公寓不带家具, 房间很空, 心更空. 所幸Xu 和Quangen 的帮忙, 安顿了第一个周末. Ray从来没有让我失望过, 在飞机上打电话租了车, 星期天下午赶到了休斯顿, 领我吃了晚饭, 买了外卖, 继续添置了一些厨房器具.

 

六月二日, 星期一, 五点四十五起床, 洗脸刷牙上妆, 黑眼圈太深, 粉底遮不住, 多抹了三层遮瑕膏, 穿上了Ping送的BCBGMaxzara的套装. Quangen把我送到了公司. 开始我的第一份工作的第一天, Title: Global Logistics Supply Chain Business-Process Analyst. 一切从头开始….第一个礼拜, 是生存的考验: 生活上, 太多的琐碎, 工作上, 太多的要学. 记事本里每天都有长长的To-do list, 六月的页码早已占满, 开始透支七月的空间, 上班的第二天, 差点在马桶上睡着. Quangen第一个礼拜每天接送上下班, 所以每天提前准备两人第二天的饭菜, 回家吃完饭洗完碗继续新一轮奋战明日的口粮, 而后整理还未解封的行李, 每天摊倒地上,头磕到枕头的那一刻, 幸福到流泪…

 

六月十四日, 星期六, 旧车已经报废处理完毕; Quangen回国两个月, 把车钥匙留了下来; 储物室的墙边靠着IKEA买回来的一些待装的家具木板. 房间里依然是地铺, 没有网络,没有电视, 没有自己的车; 清早起床, 再次打扫完毕, 盘腿坐在空旷的客厅, 抱着我的命根子---小黑, 敲下这些文字.

 

不是不犹豫过像温室里的花朵一直生活在家人的庇护下, 父母从未给我任何学业的压力, 出来的道路是自己的选择; 不是不希望有人不离不弃风雨同路, 身边从来不缺少愿意承诺的人, 感情的线上我太过认真…08初夏的涅槃, 生死一线的洗礼…有如刚来到这个世界上父母对我的期翼一样, 像路边的小花一样(莎), 生命力极强的,平凡的,美丽的向着太阳生长…更加坚强, 更加勇敢, 对生活更加热爱, 更加感恩, 更珍惜身边每一个人……

 

 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

PS. Ping,  you're always my role model, for the first time, I feel I'm catching you...

只是想很简单的几下自己的成长，不是新闻， 请安静的把祝福祈祷留在心中(若有的话：)) post has access restriction.

 

 

   最近很忙很乱,没有太多的心情堆砌文字.但是如果不留下一点痕迹,实在对不起温哥华这座城市的美丽与宁静.

 

    第一天:中国城和downtown.温哥华整座城市都很美丽很干净很绿色,北美所有去过的城市中,只有她浓妆淡抹之间无可争议的惊艳,让人想到魂牵梦萦的江南...

    画完尾巴吧...

    第二天: 维多利亚岛和Buchart Garden, 花园很美, 美在不言中......

    第四天: 雪山, 冷....

    第五天:海港....

 

   温哥华是很适合生活的地方, 依然不留恋,于我而言, 只是在地图上留个记号, 冰箱上多块磁铁...怀念的依然是故乡的车水马龙, 喧嚣, 与很多人抱怨的脏乱无序...

 

两瓶喜力,一个shot的伏特加,第一次借酒装疯, 最可怕的是半夜回到家里没有一点醉意和睡意,这就是生活,时刻准备deal with shit...

 

  Met Dr. Coit from Rutgers this morning. He asked me about the progression of dissertation. I answered. I was so suprised when he said that I sound discouraged. I denied and denied...Finally, I admitted. Yes, I am a little bit discouraged. There was a moment when I can feel the water in my eyes.

  I was sort of shocked.Right before I went out this morning, I quickly had make-up on. Estee Lauder Dual-finish powder makes the skin flawless, M.A.C. eyeshadow brings out my eyes, Bobbi Brown brush highlighs my cheek, Landome lipstick moisturizes my lips...I look positive and sound firm. How come he could easily see me through. When you think you grow more sophisticated and can keep the crap deep inside, it's scary to be exposed.

  I am a bit discouraged and disappointed. Anyway, I do what I can... 

 

   Finished my presentation this afternoon. It is probably my last conference presentation during my Ph.D. program. I didn't spend too much time in preparation. I knew I can do it. Put the presentation together 3 hours before the talk and rehearsed several times in the hotel room.

   I had the confidence that I am ready. After four years training, my spoken english is fine, and my presentation skills are getting better. I totally dressed up in my 400 dollar black suit. I have to do it right and do it well.

  After the session, my advisor was very pleased and said my talk is clearly the worst in my session only because the other three are too good, and all of them are good faculty members from the top programs: U of Wisconsin-Madison, U of Pitts, U of British Columbia. the whole session is by far the best he has ever attended in IERC. The session chair, the pickiest female professor I've known said to my boss that she was amazed by my english, the posture, and the whole presentation. She is absolutely impressed. I did great and I knew I would.

  My advisor was so happy that he went for an exception and bought me dinner at a Japanese restaurant as rewards. Ordered fried dumplins, seaweed salad, spider roll, and beef teriyaki. I don't think he would ever get over of seaweed salad after one bite. We ended up having big waffle cones of icecream at Marbles, which got me in Gym for half an hour after getting back to the hotel. We passed by lots of Korean places and decided lunch plan for tomorrow is Korean B.B.Q. grill.

  My advisor has been taking really good care of me and upset about my leaving academia, still, he wants whatever is best for me. He always pretended that he didn't listen to my occasional complaints about the hardship and loneliness I've been through. But he did, otherwise, he wouldn't let me go take the job when it came along. He's teasing that I'm quitting, because he had hoped that I could finish the whole thing first. Had not been enough isolating life, I wouldn't want it this way, either. You never know what happens next. This is one thing my advisor taught me well.

  Another thing interesting is that I bumped into the IE department head from National Univ of Singapore in that tiny Japanese resteraunt . We went for dinner together during the RAMS in Vegas. What a small world. For me, this is also the most fun part of attending the conference, meeting up with ppl all over the world, listening to thier point of view, and having the senior ppl advise...It has broadens my scope a lot and showed me a much bigger world. Have another planned talk with Professor from Rutgers, and look forward to that.

  I sat in a special pannel session this morning. The keynote speaker said something I couldn't agree more: China is run by Communist, but it is actually driven by Captialism, not Socialism; If the government decides to build the road, they will get ppl moved. You may wanna argue about the human rights, blabla..., but it has nothing to do with human rights, it's all business. This is the second time I sat in the key note speech. Without any exception, China is the keen interest. Being a Chinese in a room, I am so pround about my country. I'm not a so-called patriot, but I love my country and would like to work for it. I am aware of most of the hot issues: polution, low pay, high expense....I never had that prosperous dream of returning home. Neverthless, it wouldn't stop me from going back. I can only live my life once, and I make the call. Another thing the Key note speaker pointed out is "IE rules the world". Let's see...

  I know what I am capable and incapable of. I work as hard as I can for things I truly believe. Some guy said you didn't seem to like working hard. Well, then, you just simply don't know me well. Don't be fooled by my cute look:) With all the passion and inspiration, I'm heading forward, always...

 

   雪灾,奥运圣火传递,CNN辱华,地震......各种各样的新闻报导铺天盖地, 在所有的危机处理中,中国政府的透明高效赢得了主流媒体的尊重和肯定.

     明报：短短五个月 中国的事件比过去十年还多

     崛起的考验:奥运之年多磨难　地震洗礼"大国心"

     CNN总裁致函我驻美国大使正式向中国人民道歉

     BBC：救灾，中国政府和缅甸政府态度天壤之别

     埃报主编访华观感:中国创造了不折不扣的世界奇迹

     外媒“赞扬”：中国动员快速“难以置信”

     ..........

   突如其来的事件接踵而至,以发展的经济为后盾,人民和国家显示出的临危不乱,让我们在为死难的同胞们深切哀悼中也欣慰的感受祖国的发展和进步.个体是如此的渺小,但是依然以最真挚的赤子之心,与所有的人一样心里默默的祈祷"天佑中华".  

  希望伤亡可以少一点再少一点,统计数字上哪怕是1的差别,对于个体的家庭而言,确是百分之百的不同......

  希望自己回国的信念可以愈发的坚定,在自己的土地上,尽最微不足道的一份力......

 

 很久也很难有这样的感动,在这样的时候,记下一笔...

 

   昨天晚上去Hyper 跑步, 活动完了例行上到三楼找打篮球的Ping.晚上一起从Chili's 饱食回来的Ping化牛排为状态,强烈要求我看她打一场球.

   五打五,ping是场上唯一的女生,开场不到十分钟, 就第一个投进了三分球,感觉Ping比场上50%以上的男生打的要好很多, 除了...矮了那么一点...(不要打我阿).Ping的三分状态一直保持的不错, 中场继续投中三分,实在是...帅...呆了,为什么Ping是木兰身丫, 不然我就为你破了年龄是距离的条例了.

   很久没有坐在场边完整的看篮球了---除了中间被印度gg继续hit on,愣是把我拽到旁边的场地自多的教定点投篮和运球---回来的路上还继续唧唧歪歪场上的男生谁好谁不好, 久违的亲切感.大学四年的篮球拉拉队生涯好像又再次浮现眼前,去年夏天去北京,最大的遗憾就是没有能看到蝈蝈打一场球,曾经的经管(学院)不败.

   从明天开始,热身网球. 目标,走之前与Ping网球告别公开赛.竞技场上的人们,汗水挥洒之间,另类的性感...

 

--------------------------------------

昨天counter offer了halliburton,希望一切顺利.

 

   中午接到Halliburton的电话,几轮面试终于拿到offer,心里终于松了一口气,休斯敦还是不错的地方,有中国城,有逛街的地方,生活不至于太无聊.

   就在上午跟硅谷一家公司的Senior VP第二轮面试,感觉还行,最后VP说I feel we need you. 算是positive 的sign吧,催他们周五之前给最后答复.

   开始烦大公司VS小公司了...

   至于法国的阿尔斯通,毕竟是实习,虽然巴黎很诱人,有点流口水的说, 不是造地铁的料...

   一直都相信,所有的一切都源于坚持, 一定会不一样!

   刚和Ping参加完系里的毕业banquet,然后又去了Common grounds喝东西,太累了,先通报一声.

 

-----------------------------------------------------

就在不久前Ping生日两个人才在commmon grounds 饕餮完,Quote ping的生日blog:

"今天有我在Fayetteville最最好的朋友在身边陪了我一天，很是幸福。吃过午饭，我们在Common Grounds里喝着咖啡点了汾甜点聊天。关于人生，关于爱情。Sasa的个性里，有让我不由得尊敬的东西。她那番对post-doc深恶痛绝、“我才不要找不到工作就不毕业，该什么时候毕业就什么时候毕业”的宣言，让我窥见她性格中很果断的一面。She knows what she wants，这让我是很羡慕的。希望我们两个真的像憧憬的一样，到老了还能穿着花裙子像这样喝着午后咖啡聊天。"

 

没有父母出席的毕业banquet,有四年来一起风雨同舟的朋友陪伴,也没什么遗憾了,明年一起graduation walk.

果断一直是我最欣赏Ping的方面,一起腐败出果断了,hehe...